You love. 

Don't say it, mean it. 

You love. 

The one who says it 1st doesn't always mean they feel it the strongest. 

You love. 

Be consistent. Be real. Keep it 100. 

You love. 

We have to be in the same book to even attempt to be on the same page. 

You love. 

The idea of having someone to yourself but not the idea of being committed. 

You love. 

Yet you don't compromise. You don't try. You don't care. 

You love. 

But you don't show it. You won't let it be known. 

You love. 

But what are you afraid of? 

You love. 

Yourself. & That's not enough for US. 

It's so crazy how many people get caught up in this "fake happy" stuff. By no means am I saying that you have to wear all of your problems & stress like accessories but my goodness. 

People are fake happy with so many decisions they've made. Whether it be pride, fear, desperation or whathaveyou, They do it & regret it on the inside. 

Example: I was on twitter today & someone said they liked a pic of a friend & their significant other. Then soon after the person called complaining about the situation at hand. Well, why the hell did you post it? If you're upset, be that, get it out your system & move on. Why put on? For who? 

Fake happy for the public. Miserable in private. 

People buy their way to happiness. I'd rather cry in a penthouse vs. the project myself but still. At what point do you realize all of those material things can only make you smile for so long. I don't know about you, but I like to share my happiness with others. Why the hell would I want to jet ski alone all the time? Eat alone? Only shop for myself? Then again, everyone doesn't care to make sure those around them are in good spirits too. 

People stay at a bullshit job because they've become used to the workload, scheduling, etc. but hate it. & still, they come in with a fake smile & stay put. Why not look for something more fulfilling? Something at least you're semi interested in.

People turn the cold shoulder to those who are genuinely there for them, but their pride won't let them resolve it & be happy. Instead, they play fake happy while wishing they were still around. 

People stay in relationships just to make it look good. Make it look like they've accomplished something more. Don't weigh me down. I don't want to weigh you down.

People restart old fires just because it's already a place in the grass for it to sit. Not everyone is meant to make it back across that bridge. Not everyone deserves a paddle. 

People want what others seem to have not knowing the real. Not everyone with money is happy. Look at the suicide & legal trouble rates of people with money. So many people in relationships they wish they could escape. Live your life the best YOU can. Can't base your decisions on the moves, opinions & pockets of others. When the lights go out & you're in that room alone, just you & your thought. It will eat you alive. 

Life is filled with luck, blessings, misfortunes, heartache, etc. Take it in your stride & make sure there is a lesson learned. 

Find your happy place.

Don't let Fake Happy destroy the real potential that you have to be happy. If that means learning how to be alone, work it out. It'll be worth it. 

Love once so innocent. So pure. So genuine. Now so tainted. So evil. So detrimental.

Much of a burden.

All love isn't “good love.” I don’t need THAT love.

Let me live. Let me breathe. Let me prosper & be happy.

Please.

Love like life depends on it.

It does. Just not ours.

Something we’ve longed for & never wanted to forget.

Something so powerful. Moving mountains was a breeze.

Sudden change.

Air turned still. Nights got cold. Skies turned gray.

Prepare for this storm.

Feel the wrath.

No love like that of a Wo(man) scorned.

You don’t always get what you put in or what you want.

But you WILL get something, nonetheless.

Lessons may be the greatest.

When we walk away from each other, don’t make this hard.

Don’t kill me. I don’t want to die.

Just as those before & after me, let me live.

Move on & keep moving.

Become idle at your own risk.

Let's not blame. Let's not point. Let's love.

Let's love someone other than each other.

Let me love me first.

Priority.

Tainted as can be, I’ll still love after you as I did before.

Just one step closer to the one who was is made for me.

Have I already met my match or is that who is coming up behind you?

Don’t block my view.

Let me live.

So tainted yet the next one won't pay for your mistakes.

Love.

So fast. So sudden. Before we knew it, we were fu.. Nah never mind.

Let's just scratch that line.

Those 1st hours turned to a day. Days turned to weeks.

Now it's months later, and everything still seems sweet.

This "honeymoon" phase is just begging to end.

Asking to put the guard up. Asking to remain as "friends."

But with all due respect, how can you expect to be a friend to the only one you really want to let Let in.

Let love. Let listen.

Let christen, these brand new linens, and indulge in all of this "healthy sinning"??

How can I look at you the same after these nights we shared?

How can we both move on like neither of us cared?

I'm not pushing nor pulling; I'm just being realistic.

You keep throwing these signs & There's no way I can miss it.

Somehow, someway we found “love” in a place so hopeless.

With no cares in the world, yet not losing any focus.

Who says it's wrong? Or that this “love” is high risk and filled with danger?

Nobody knows better than us. Why can't we remain two perfect strangers?

I’m sure this isn't how it was supposed to be. 
We're in this room, face to face with passion filled eyes, pleasure running through our veins. 
What are the consequences?  
Let's just cross that bridge when we get there. 
Right now, I'm just reaping the rewards. 
Do we continue "this" or go back to "normal"? 
What does normal even mean anymore?  
The first time that it felt so right. Like nothing can come between us. Nothing came between us, but we came. 
At that moment we became closer than ever. 
But was it worth it? 
Is more than “this friendship” really our purpose? 
Let's get in this bed that we've made together. 
Get close. Now it's me & you. 
There’s no title, but we understand. 
I think the feeling is mutual. 
Correct me if I'm incorrect. 
The next time, It felt real. 
One time isn't fine with me. 
We had time. 
Time to explore. Time to talk. Time to feel. Time to play. 
No wrong could be done. All is well in the world. 
Before I knew it, You were gone. 
Missing without a trace. 
Was it something I said?? 
Look me in my face. 
Same sad love song. 
Separate ways sometimes make for better days. 
Let's agree to disagree & make "this" thing history.

They always say that you shouldn’t put off for tomorrow what can & should be done today. I think that’s how the quote goes. When I got up this morning, It felt like any other day. I wished my cousin a happy birthday and left the house. I looked at Twitter and noticed that a girl I follow & know through mutual friends had mentioned that she lost her mother a year ago today. I wanted to say something to her, but all I could come up with was a generic tweet…

8:32 am: “With all the losses I’ve experienced… I still don’t know the right words to say to others when they lose someone. :/”
I went to work and began my shift. While away from my desk, I noticed I had a missed call and text from my cousin. As I was replying, another cousin called, so I picked up & immediately I knew something was wrong. The first thing she asked was if I had spoken to my mother. My heart dropped to the floor. When I told her no, She said that my mom had found my grandfather this morning when she woke up. He was unresponsive. See the thing is, she had just gotten up to NY from Charlotte to help take care of him. We had found out he had liver cancer 2 weeks ago. She and my aunt had been there around the clock since then.

It freaked me out a bit when I thought into it a little deeper. It almost seemed as if he waited until his two baby girls were together, to go in peace. I can’t imagine how my mother feels being the one to be there with him. However, I am happy that they were able to see each other before he was taken home. I won’t question God’s ways, but I wish I would have done things differently. She told me to call him the day she found out, but I kept putting it off. I wanted to know more about his progress and not ask too many questions. I should have. If I knew yesterday what was going to happen today, I would have done more. I’m sure he knows my heart, and he knows I think about him every day and wishes I would have called. Shit just sucks.

As kids, my cousin and I were his little princesses. We always got SO excited when Grandpa Tootsie came around. Not only was he cool, he always had envelopes full of money for us. So many memories that I wish could have been more. We always spoke through emails and recently through Facebook, but I never got the chance to go back to his apartment and talk. Now, that option is no longer there.

Too Little, Too Late

If you have a relative, you rarely speak to, send a text, email, call, something. You never know when your last time talking to someone will be.

Rest In Peace Newton Lightfoot or to us, Grandpa Tootsie

Its what u know best.... Lie, cheat & deceive...
U tell so many lies, I think I'm starting to believe.
The more I think about it, I see it's you I don't need.
No more love locked down, it's time to break free.
Free from your control, free from your reign.
Free to the heartache, free from the pain.
Free from the bullshit free from times u said you'd change.
Free from letting me down. Free from the same old same.
Do u even feel guilty or is it just another day?
U don't get tired of these games that u play?
U can apologize but that won't  make it okay.
U can wipe away my tears but it won't take them away.
What it once was may be gone but not forgotten.
Let me salvage what's left I this heart turned rotten.

He wrote you love letters; you got mad, so you ripped them.
You hit that man 1st, then you went and cried, victim.
Shot him with his gun, got scared then you switched them.
He begged for your help, fell and you kicked him.

You never told him about the fake plans that you had.
That you'd use him as a trend, til the end of the "fad."
Each "good thing" had an underlying bad.
Or that you didn't care about his feelings, Fck if he was sad.

When they came for the interview, you only said the half.
You told them about the work, and everywhere he hid his stash.
About the late night runs, on the way to the cash.
How'd he'd run up in the spot, stick em up & then dash.

You failed to tell the part that you kept a bunch of money
How he took you out the hood, kept you from looking bummy.
This shit can't be real, not the least bit funny.
A life you learned to love and now you made him the test dummy.

These bitches WILL lie, anything to save face.
Eating with dirty money but you forgot to say grace.
Moving a little too fast, slow down, watch your pace.
This is a cut-throat world; everyone wants to win this race.

But when it's all said and done, he had no chance in this fight.
You never did say how you'd give that "Long Kiss Goodnight."
What goes around comes around. Hope you're ready for that bite.
But YOU'RE once again The Victim, so we both know you're right.