Little known fact: It's okay to mind your business and move around. Everything doesn’t require a comment from you. I’m sure you knew that already but just in case you didn’t, I’m here to remind you. For example, when you tell someone that they’re skinny (or fat), you’re pretty much telling them some shit that they already know and hear often. Thanks for being so observant. A+ for you. “Hey, your hairline is pushed back!” Thanks for noticing, bitch. 

I use profanity not because my vocabulary is limited but because I like curse words. Pick your fucking poison. Don’t tell me it’s not ladylike to curse or ask if I kiss my mother with that mouth. You had kids out of wedlock and can’t keep a job but do I judge?

For natural girls, It’s annoying when we change our hair and people say “Oh wow, you did your hair!” No, I changed my hair. It grows out of my head the way you normally see it. When a man cuts his hair, you don’t tell him that he did his hair? He changed it. So as a woman, me changing it shouldn't be referred to as “getting it done”. If I choose to wear an afro for the next 30 years, that’s my business. 

When you travel often, people always have an opinion about how you get to do it. There’s always an excuse for being able to do it. Maybe I choose what I want to spend money on more carefully. I’m not opposed to having trips paid for but stop acting like it’s impossible to pay for some shit unless you’re going to the moon.

I’d like to think that social media is partially to blame for this lack of restraint or respect. Why? Because people are so damn comfortable saying shit and offering their opinion about any and everything that doesn’t concern them. People will miss the whole damn point of something and zone in on something that has nothing to do with the price of tea in China. Before you focus on the “supporting facts” ask yourself what the main message of it was. Is your mental capacity that diminished that you can’t get yourself to (try to) see the bigger picture?

You don’t like my wallpaper? Cool. My socks don’t match? Great. My baby father left when I told him I was pregnant? AND?! Okay, I pushed it with the last one but gatdamn! People are judgy as fuck for no reason. Nobody said anything when you got evicted or arrested for fraud. People have their flaws and it’s not necessary to point every damn one out every damn time. 

I’m not sure why people feel like their opinion validates a situation or circumstance with a total stranger. Because you have an opinion, I think i’ll change everything about me. Man, if you don’t get the fuck from me. 

Stating the obvious is kind of redundant, unless asked. When it all balls down, we really don’t care either way. But we would like to thank you for wasting your time. If people put half as much energy into their own affairs, I'm sure they may get something important done. It doesn't seem as if it will happen today or anytime soon, but whatever. 

Sometimes, creatives hold back because of this same backlash and opinion. When you look closer, you’re really selling yourself short because nobody else has the balls to say what you want to say. Why would you even care so much to adjust the way you move to accommodate their opinions? You fell in line with the rest of them. 

Be a rebel. Not for the title but for yourself. 

Yall get on my nerves. Nobody made you the emperor of people’s affairs. The moral of the story is, shut the fuck and mind your business.

We never experienced the back and forth bullshit. We never had any real drama to deal with. 

We never held back about a single thing but you decided to take your throne as the Lyin King.

What I want to know is why?

Why after all of this time, you decide that now was the time to lie?

Needless to say, this wasn’t a match made by cupid but don’t play me like i'm stupid.

I don’t think that you know what you’re doing but an insult to my intelligence is far worse than the lies that you’ve been spewing.

We made it clear from jump.

You make it look so easy to please me but I don’t feel like you’re any good for my mental.

Yes, I’ll most likely miss the way that you’d come for me everytime that I sent for you.

Believe it or not, as much as I love seeing you stand there in all of your glory, this situation is starting to bore me.

I mean, we haven’t lost that connection but this thing is running it’s course.

These bullshit stories are something else.

Not because I’m believing them but because you really think that I am.

I know all about your type. You won’t initiate it but you’ll wait for the right time to pick a fight.

We were never meant to be. We became each other's newfound hobby.

We just happened to keep navigating through those hotel lobbies.

Late night hugs turn to Good morning kisses. Now that we can be no more, there's no hard feeling just a lot of well wishes.

There’s plenty of em in the sea so it's nothing for me to keep fishin.

When it comes back around I hope you have the strength to hold the plates that you've been dishin.

Dear Mail Carrier,

I respect your job and the responsibilities that come with it. I just wish that you could pick and choose which letters to deliver. My mailbox has been the same so It’s not hard to find me. I’m not attracted to shiny things so the fancy boxes will never blind me. I’ve learned that the exterior never really reflects what is on the inside. Just a bunch of bells and whistles to disguise the sloppy lies. I waited so long to tear this particular letter open. I was hoping that the sender made a mistake and was just joking. Boy, was I wrong. As I made my way down the page, yet again, it was the same sad song. How many times can you plead the same case? How many times can you say one thing and do another to my face? I invested in you to make for a better us but somehow you proved to be much more of a liability. These assets behind me seem to be working out perfectly fine without the stresses of trying to make someone realize their blessings. I’m not sure how you’d want me to act “normal” or with much civility. It was YOU who forced this within change in ME. You made a peaceful mindstate become so angry. Angry for the love that once made me smile. Angry about the soft words that are now nothing short of volatile. For some reason, you seem to think that you can never do any wrong. Yet you are steady fucking up something good for something that’s already gone. Don’t be mad when I move on. You can’t have it both ways. You can’t come around and then disappear for days. You can’t honestly think that you’re the best thing that ever came around. You voice your opinion and when it’s time to man up, you rarely make a sound. No excuses for the stupid shit that you continue to do. No one or nothing is ever on your mind other than you. I’ve been fighting for this for as long as I can remember. I’ve been beating myself internally until my heart became tender. I thought you were a winner. The best part about it all was working on myself. So ultimately I have to thank you for the help. No, I don’t hate you and there’s no longer any resentment. I’m just grateful for the chance to shorten my sentence. I wanted to hold on but there’s no way of justifying another surrender. So I’ll reseal this letter and ask that it please be returned back to it’s sender.

Love,

Chan

Love like this isn’t for the weak hearted.

You’ll be pushed away, pulled in closer, spun around and knocked off of your feet.

You’ll feel the rush of fresh feels.

You’ll feel that pit in the bottom of your stomach.

Each time it draws you near, you’ll want to run from it.

Maybe it’s going to be just like the last one who was supposed to be the last one.

Maybe it will unlock a new ventricle of your heart.

A new chamber filled with love that you never knew existed.

Maybe it will be that last train out of town that you’ll regret if you miss it.

There’s always another one coming soon, you say.

Maybe in an hour, maybe a day or a week.

Who knows?

What would have happened if you had caught THAT one?

You will never have that same opportunity again.

The perfect time to make the perfect connection.

You know what is for you will find you.

In a world so corrupt and negative, you seem to stay in high spirits.

No rush to chase it.

It just happens.

It will always happen.

Through the hardships and struggles.

Through the slick remarks and smart ass rebuttals.

Through the mystery and uncertainty of starting something new,

Through the process of finally finding YOU.

Those nights of tossing and turning seem to be worth it.

Those trials and tribulations have served their purpose.

The mood swings and tears.

The confusion and overcoming your deepest of fears.

We’ve stood together.

Even through times when we were forced to change who stood first or the longest or in the front.

Always well protected.

The respect is there.

Even at our lowest points, we were able to come to an understanding.

One hand washes the other, they both wash the face.

Together, anything is possible.

Together, we are unstoppable.

No, it probably won’t get easier anytime soon but there’s still time to grow and plenty of time to bloom.

I Love You.

Love, 

Chan

Is there a time, effort or monetary limit when it comes to your dreams? What are they worth to you? How much time and money are you willing to sacrifice to make them come true? These are questions that I’ve had to ask myself over and over in regards to my dreams.

Each and every time that I start a new project or put money towards something, I have to be sure. How can you be sure? If there were a sure way, we’d all be rich, famous, highly educated or whatever it is that we want to be. I have to be sure that it’s worth the effort of trying to make it work not if I’m sure it will produce the desired results. You have to start somewhere.

These dreams can’t and won’t manifest themselves. They don’t come true without the groundwork. They won’t prosper without that twinkle in your eye. They can’t grow without you turning the soil.

Flip that shit over with a purpose.  

Plant the seeds and tend to your garden. So what if it has rained a little harder than you needed. So what if it was a bit too hot. You don’t stop caring for it because of things that are out of your control. You may have to move the garden to the other side of the house. You may even have to set up a greenhouse. You do whatever it takes to make it grow.

Your dreams are mental gardens. You need to be focused and work hard to make them tangible. Nurture your dreams just as you would cultivate a garden. These are living things that need love and care. You wouldn’t let anybody control and take over something that you’ve worked so hard for. Is it worth it to put your dreams in someone else’s hands?

There’s an “easy” way, and there’s a “right” way. Do right by your dreams. Don’t be impressed by fancy gardens. Don’t be distracted by gardens that seem to grow quickly. You don’t know what a person has done to get that garden. For all you know, they could be working on someone else’s garden. They could have robbed someone else of their garden. Better than all else, they could have worked on their hands and knees to make their garden come to life. Your garden is YOURS. Your dreams should be your focus.

It’s okay to take notes without taking a loss. A loss can be more than what meets the eyes or bank account. The loss of an opportunity is one that you never use to your advantage. It’s a door that you’ve never tried to open. A loss is a dream put on hold because of “timing.” What time on your watch or calendar says “now is the time” or “today is the day”? Exactly.

Learn from the mistakes as well as the accomplishments of others. You can’t win a race while looking behind you. People are so focused on what others are doing and how they can do it that they don’t realize how much of their own time is wasted. Spend your time, don’t waste it.

Fight for your dream and then enjoy the fruit of your labor. When you do, success will be so vibrant and fragrant. You’ll be so proud of your garden.

Sweet Dreams.

Love,

Chan

What happens now that we’ve crossed that line?

Do we continue to pretend that everything is fine?

Do we adjust our brightness and dim it now?

Or should we simply let this boiling pot simmer down?

I’m still trying to figure out how.

It was always an idea but never supposed to be real.

There’s no reason why we should know how the other feels.

When I say “feels”, I don’t mean on an emotional tip.

I say “feels” as in those outer touches and that inner grip.

Oh shit.

I think we may have really fucked up this time.

You’re steady saying the fault is yours while I think that it’s all mine.

I judge each situation case by case but this time I’m not sure how to look you in your face.

The only reason that I say this is because I consider you a friend.

I’d hate for this to be the reason that we bring it to an end.

How did we get here?  

Now that the damage is done and we can’t take back our actions,

It’s hard to act as if these things never happened.

I feel bad, I can’t front. At the same time, we tend to do exactly what we want.

We just went for it.

A night of tossing and turning turned into an early morning of saying next to nothing.

Silence is golden at times.

We didn’t need guidance. We let the silence guide us.

Should you speak first or let me?

The phone rang.

Perfect timing to break this somewhat awkward silence.

There’s no way to undo the previous night’s happenings.

We digest it and move on.

This will be no quick mission.

It literally takes time and mental strength.

We now begin the process of going great lengths to make it all make sense.

Better yet, let’s not stress it because everything will be just fine.

We just know better next time so let’s not cross that line.

I’m just trying to figure out the difference. The difference between a real relationship and whatever the hell “this” is.

She has the heart that’s too big and a love that’s too strong. She’s always sure to do you right, yet you only seem to do wrong.

It’s gone on for far too long.

You never say it with your actions but you claim that you love her. You won’t hold up your end of the deal but won’t let her get it from another.

This was not made for drama or cheap thrills. She has a soul so electrifying with love so intense it gives you chills.

She is the real deal.

At times I can’t help but to wonder how a man can always want fresh milk yet never want to buy the whole cow.

So foul.

How about you mooove over. Take that unnecessary stress off of that beautiful woman’s shoulder.

Don’t continuously eat the fruit of her labor then act as if it’s you who’s doing her a favor.

Don’t be so selfish. You make it seem as if she’s the one who’s needy meanwhile you’re the one who’s helpless.

I hope your daughters don’t catch hell for this.

It’s best that you break the cycle. We both know that it’s only a matter of time before they meet a man who is just like you.

At that point, I hope you’re ready to explain how you treated good girls like them exactly the same.

It’s such a shame.

Why put undeserving people people through the intentional pain?

Fucking lame.

One day your good girl will get fed up and flip the table. No hug, kisses or clever words will be able to save you.

She will no longer care about that so-called survivor’s guilt. You destroyed the table that she alone had built.

I hope when the next girl comes around you start to understand how to leave that little boy shit alone and become a real man.

When this started, we could see no end.

Before we considered this anything more, we were simply “just friends”.

We could talk about anything at anytime.

No call was too late, it was always just fine.

Then you got comfortable.

Too comfortable for your own good.

You got way too comfortable way faster than you should.

I can't blame you, I make it easy.

That doesn't mean that you didn't have to put in on this, man.

This wasn't a late night creep or just a one night stand.

You stood me up.

Each time showing that you didn't give a fuck.

Not at this point but perhaps you meant to get it together down the line.

Unluckily for you, you'll soon be running out of time.

No apologies accepted, no daps respected.

No hugs or kisses left, you've now been ejected.

Thought you'd do a better job at holding your place on the roster.

You were the star player, now you have double technical fouls.

Three strikes and you're out, you're free to make your exit now.

Unsportsmanlike like conduct so no, you sure can't stay.

Too many flags on the field so no, you sure can’t play.

It would be best for the organization if you’d simply go {AWAY}.