Please give me my flowers while I can smell them. Let me enjoy the scent and sight. Please tell me you love me while I can hear you. Don't wait to kiss me good night. You waited & procrastinated. You put me back on the high shelf. Chance after chance, time after time, you only thought about yourself. Those times I sat there, wondering when you'd follow through. But now that the tables have turned, there's nothing more you can do. You waited. So many times we've made loose plans yet somehow they always fell through. When it's said and done it doesn't help to blame me or for me to blame you. No matter how new or old our friendship was, it still meant a great deal. You don't have to speak every day to know that it is for real. You can't plead your case one last time even though you may still try. Just understand life happens too quickly so please wipe the tears from your eyes. Don't beat yourself up or question his ways, I'm getting keys to my new home. I don't have you all here to keep me company but please know that I'm not alone. I understand. I forgive you. Until we meet again. I'm just happy to rest peacefully knowing you were a good friend.

Rest Peacefully Dujuan Capehart aka DJ Diesel 904

Take the time out to reach out to people and follow through on plans of possible. We all live different lives but I know we can switch a few things to send a text, call, FaceTime, 5 minute coffee or something. I'm guilty of it just as the next person is so we all need to do better. You just never know. Death doesn't get easier. It shouldn't. Just know that you've done your part in maintaining healthy relationships and letting go of the trivial things.

They always say that you shouldn’t put off for tomorrow what can & should be done today. I think that’s how the quote goes. When I got up this morning, It felt like any other day. I wished my cousin a happy birthday and left the house. I looked at Twitter and noticed that a girl I follow & know through mutual friends had mentioned that she lost her mother a year ago today. I wanted to say something to her, but all I could come up with was a generic tweet…

8:32 am: “With all the losses I’ve experienced… I still don’t know the right words to say to others when they lose someone. :/”
I went to work and began my shift. While away from my desk, I noticed I had a missed call and text from my cousin. As I was replying, another cousin called, so I picked up & immediately I knew something was wrong. The first thing she asked was if I had spoken to my mother. My heart dropped to the floor. When I told her no, She said that my mom had found my grandfather this morning when she woke up. He was unresponsive. See the thing is, she had just gotten up to NY from Charlotte to help take care of him. We had found out he had liver cancer 2 weeks ago. She and my aunt had been there around the clock since then.

It freaked me out a bit when I thought into it a little deeper. It almost seemed as if he waited until his two baby girls were together, to go in peace. I can’t imagine how my mother feels being the one to be there with him. However, I am happy that they were able to see each other before he was taken home. I won’t question God’s ways, but I wish I would have done things differently. She told me to call him the day she found out, but I kept putting it off. I wanted to know more about his progress and not ask too many questions. I should have. If I knew yesterday what was going to happen today, I would have done more. I’m sure he knows my heart, and he knows I think about him every day and wishes I would have called. Shit just sucks.

As kids, my cousin and I were his little princesses. We always got SO excited when Grandpa Tootsie came around. Not only was he cool, he always had envelopes full of money for us. So many memories that I wish could have been more. We always spoke through emails and recently through Facebook, but I never got the chance to go back to his apartment and talk. Now, that option is no longer there.

Too Little, Too Late

If you have a relative, you rarely speak to, send a text, email, call, something. You never know when your last time talking to someone will be.

Rest In Peace Newton Lightfoot or to us, Grandpa Tootsie