I know there's more to you than the man that I see. Who are you really, when you're not with me?

Behind the scenes there's a person so sour, so foul. You've put on quite a show so I guess you can take your bow.

At first, its not you, its me. Maybe I'm just not what you had in mind. Seems like you were ready to take all of the help that you could find.

Even if it meant hurting innocent people. Even if it meant almost turning the purest heart into something evil.

They say you live and learn, have no regrets. Fuck what they're talking about, they didn't live through this stress.

They didn't have lonely days and sleepless nights. They didn't try to make amends after every fight. They didn't feed you, house you or make sure that you're alright.

Yet and still, you still chose them over your so called Queen. I should've minimized your chances when that dirty mirror became clean.

By clean I don't mean that you told the truth behind your lies. Clean as in I saw the malice in your eyes.

No regrets my ass! I'd take it all back if I could. If I had the chance for a "do over", with no hesitation, I would.

No regrets? Bitch, please. It's hard for me to to even call a man (well let's say male) a bitch but BITCH you got me fucked up and I use it as I see fit.

You must be some big time player with all of the people you fuck over. I lived everyday near drunk until my heart would feel sober.

So drunk to the point that I couldn't feel the excruciating pain. So faded to the point that I couldn't remember your name.

It was me who came running in your many times of need. It was me racing home with a need for speed.

A liar, a cheater, deceiver, heart breaker. If it came down to it, you'd be the giver and the taker.

Giving your ass to kiss, giving multiple lies, taking my love for granted and ignoring my cries.

You were only "the man" in the eyes of others. I saw your soul. I saw your true colors.

I'm glad that I'm not "her" because I know I deserve more. Why wasn't I stronger sooner to show you the door?

After all was said and done, I still tried to find meaning. After the lies, the bitches and fights, I still tried to find reason.

When the lights turned on, everything started looking funny. Nothing you said held any merit, no true intentions of returning the money.

Glad that its over, glad I'm not your girl. I should've listened closer when Foxy said "Let no lame nigga rule your world".

You reap what you sow so I hope that you're ready.  You should have a dolly in tow because this package will be heavy.

There will be no more contact. No reaching out to your momma. There's a special thing for people like you and it's my best friend, Karma.

Think about all of the words that you've worked so hard to put into sentences, to make sense, to explain how you feel. You see all of those words? Save them. Save them for the day that they're needed. Save them for a situation that's well fitted. Save them for eternity. Not to sound like a bitch but sometimes we talk too much. Depending on the situation, these words that you've taken all of this time to situate may hurt more than help. Let's sit back and think about it for a minute. What will it do to us? What will it bring? What will it ruin? Let's not. Not now. Not ever, possibly.

Maybe those lines have been blurred for a reason. Don't fix what's not broken right? But what if it could be better? More questions that we need not answer. More emotional soup that need not be stirred. More of everything that we don't not want. Double negative placement.

Is it for you or for me because this can't be for us. Nothing thus far has led me to believe that this is right. It doesn't even feel right. We become selfish and engulfed in our own fantasies and wishes that we forget that there is another person who may suffer from our wants.

Speak your mind, they said. It will help, they said. It didn't. Now we're stuck in an awkward place that no one knows how to escape. I’m not running. I'm just not going in that direction.

Can we think about ME for a second? How am I going to feel? How am I supposed to continue as "normal"? What the fuck is normal anyway? It wouldn't be fair to say you want to see someone happy but you aren't happy with what could possibly make them happy since it doesn't make YOU happy. If that makes sense.

Let's just leave it where it lies and go in a direction that leaves clarity and understanding.