Posts in The Unread Diary
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The things you feed me are not necessarily what I like..
But since I’m hungry, I can't help but take a bite.
Thirsty for more than what this watered down love is..
I need something more. A little pop. A little fizz..
Jaded by the thought of holding you.. Having u
But now my hearts cold, I dream of grabbing you.. Stabbing you..
Not with a knife but these words poke holes..
So swift, so deadly.. These words pierce souls.
See when I said yes, that meant NO to the lies. No to the heartache. No more asking why's.
Its break ups to make ups.. No to the cries. There u go leaving. No more of your goodbyes.
Tired of the fussing. Tired of the screaming..
Tired of when shit gets tough, you end up leaving.
What do we do? Do we try to get along?
Lethal words back & forth. Yea we're both living wrong..
Fuck up after fuck up, I'm tired of chasing u.
I need to cut my loss, I'd be better off replacing u.
Sometimes I feel like we just together with no purpose...
Relationship faded. This shit is just so hopeless..
Problem & solution.. I think I got a bit smarter.
But when I take a closer look, this whole thing gets harder.
So many lonely nights coming, a dark road ahead
It’ll take time to get used to being alone in this bed.
Would it be much easier to say fuck it, just give up hope?
I thought if I lost you I'd die, but I been cut that rope..
Got down from the chair, there will be no kickin..
Gotta get back on my grind, I know time is ticking..
Can't waste another second, nor minute, nor hour..
I think I got a fresh breath from this sweet love turned sour.

My Night With A Maniac

Some of u may sorta know this story since I was tweeting as it was happening. But in case you’re wondering how the hell it happened… Like to hear it, here it go…

In efforts of making that “Long Kiss Goodnight” a reality, I agree to go “walk and talk”. We haven’t been face to face since about Sept/Oct. He’s usually out of the country working. I’m on my own schedule. Etc. I mean, I already knew it was gonna be some bullshit since that’s the norm but whatever, It was worth a shot. Fast Forward.. Park the car. Pizza. Cross street. Beach. So I sit on the wall & start eating my pizza. I guess I wasn’t being affectionate because someone had their boxers all in a bunch. 

Honestly, I hold no punches when it comes 2 this person. We’ll call him.. SB. The amount of things we’ve gone through surpasses things I’ve ever imagined. And this is only in the 2years that we’ve been dealing with each other. So SB decides to ask a question. I didn’t want to answer. THATS where it all started. I don’t owe ANYONE ANY explanations. So he gets all angry and says if I walk away, its gonna be for good. Was that supposed to make me want to answer the question?? #FAIL. That was fuel to my fire.

So I’m walking towards the car but I continue past the parking lot, Onto East Sunrise Blvd. I stayed on the Eastbound side so he cant pull over. *Phone rings* IGNORE (repeat 5times). I stop halfway across the bridge and take a minute to look at the scenery. Finally, I answer the phone & agree to cross over. I get in the car and we begin driving. He starts talkin shit so i keep sayin let me out. Instead of going i95 N.. He decides to go south. “I hope whatever nigga just called u finna pick u up from Down South.. & by that I mean the Grove” Then he sayin 163rd… Then he tries 2b funny & say Biscayne & 79th (–_-) So I already have somebody lined up 2scoop.

We pull over off Hallandale & i say let me out @ the RaceTrack. I jump out & walk inside. Call my cousin. *phone rings, SB Calling* IGNORE (repeat 3times) He wants me 2get back in the car. I say no & if he wants to talk he needs to come 2the front of the store. “What u think imma beat u up or something??” No that’s besides the point, this shit aint on his time. No store, no talk. He comes & guess what… YUUUP, u guessed it.. I went OFF on that ass. So as I’m BLACKIN on his life, a car pulls up & they just wait & watch & laugh. At this point I didnt even care. SB says he was gonna take me 2 his ppl house so they can see me cuz they miss me. He gets teary eyed with his cry baby ass & FINALLY I tell him I’ll get in the car if I drive. *Making our way back to Lauderdale* Words are exchanged and we get to the house. We park & I have 3 dangerous, concerned people outside. They wait. We sit. Everything is under control. I get out. He drives off.

Guys, dudes, males, men whatever… need to figure out a better way to channel their emotions & feelings. Kidnapping your ex-girlfriend is NOT the best way to go about it. Especially if you’re not even supposed 2b driving!!

At no point did I fear for my life or safety. This ninja aint stupid. I was ok. It was just aggravating as hell… as usual. If I felt some type of way, i definitely would’ve been on the phone with BSO instead of Twitter. & No.. There hasn’t been any contact since that night.

And the moral of the story is…

If U Don’t Know, Now U Know You’re Gonna Miss (My Love) & I Aint Stressin Bout A Doggone Thing Cuz I Was True When I Gave U (My Love) If U Search U Will NEVER Find Another Love Like ( My Love). You’re Gonna Miss Me. I Aint Got Time While U Sit Around & Play With (My Love).

FIN

P.S. I might’ve 4got some parts but *shrugs* ya’ll get the picture. Lol

My Addiction
Cocaine.jpg

So easily I hide u but I know u can be seen,

When ur around u take control & I become a fiend

Ur everything I need, So bad yet so Good,

I don’t wana let go but my heart says I should.

This aint the kinda lovin’ that u find everyday,

So every chance I get, I make excuses just 2stay.

Please give me more. No matter morning, noon or nite,

This feeling is way too good so I kno it can’t b right.

Not yet. Don’t go. I’ve nearly reached my peak,

U use me til ur done then U Leave & don’t speak.

No goodybye or see u later. Its silence while u pass.

Im left standing in my glory, then comes the crash.

The desperation is crazy. I have to leave the room,

No fear. Im just trippin. I kno ull be back soon.

Then there’s a knock. I run and ask "who is it?"

The man I wanted to see came by to pay a visit.

We’re at it again & this time u really scare me

God, oh God, please help me if u hear me.

Ur hands r around my neck, im gasping for air.

I thought we were perfect but rite now u don't care.

Just like norma,l its break-ups 2 make-ups baby,

My family sees a problem but I think they’re crazy.

Ur all I need to live, never mind the rest.

I accept u flaws & all, in my eyes ur the best.

My body can’t take it anymore & neither can my heart,

I shoulda known u’d b a problem from the very start.

I’ve turned my back on my family, just to have ur touch,

They just don’t understand y I love u so much.

This has to be the end even though ill cry

I get weaker and weaker each time that I try.

U have that smirk on ur face, this is the last time,

So long, fare well to my partner in crime.

This is the toughest thing that I’ve done in years,

Packing my bags & leaving, all accompanied by tears.

Now ur all gone, except the small piece I had 2 save.

So sad yet so true, u r what took me to my grave.

Addiction is not a game. Please drink responsibly. There's more to life than drugs. The hardest part of life is watching the one u love the most kill them self with u in the room. Every1 needs someone. If u know some1 wit an addiction, PLEASE speak up. This comes from my heart. P.S. NO im not a coke head.. nor have i tried it.