There comes a time when you have to let people fight their own demons. As much as we want to help, it would only be hurting all parties involved. People never really learn that fight or flight when you’re constantly picking up the pieces before they hit the ground. This isn’t a game of jacks. You don’t have to see how many pieces you can pick up before the ball bounces. Let that shit bounce and roll down the damn street.

My problem is that I tend to be an enabler. Too much of an enabler, in fact. I’m not really sure of the right way to say no. I just keep going with it while they’re just chilling as if nothing is going on. How does that even make sense? Why should I care about your situation more than you care about it?

It doesn’t even have to be monetary (even though that’s where I fuck up). Supporting somebody emotionally can cause more damage than financially. It’s a lot harder to put a broken heart and shattered feelings back together than it is to work a little overtime. I always have this thing where I know that I’ll make the money back pretty quickly. That doesn’t mean that I don’t want it back. It means that i’m not pressed for it. I never have and probably never will be. If I have to write you off for money, I chalk it up as you needing it more than me and I let it sort itself out. If it gets to that point, Karma has way more time to dedicate to you than I do.

If you’re anything like me, you almost feel obligated to help people because they can’t/don’t cope with things as “easily” as you do. Stop. When the feeling is that strong, you tend to cross so many lines and disregard common sense. You’d do almost anything to see that person happy or in a better situation. Would it be the same if the tables turned? Would people be so willing to open up their home to you as you would for them? Would they be okay with the temporary inconvenience? Would it still be all good? You may have to turn it around and see if they play fair.

Sometimes it’s well within our means to assist but how much is too much? How much is enough? We usually have that gut feeling when it’s going too far. Actually following the feeling is the real task. You never really want to see people fall on their ass but sometimes that bruised tailbone may be exactly what they need to shape up.

Sometimes, you just need to withdraw, let folks bounce their own checks and figure their own shit out.

Don’t fight it.

Just like the other times, we’re here once again, baring our souls and uncovered skin.We couldn’t help it, once again. Another case of “You say he’s just a friend”. We had to go back for thirds or whatever serving this is. We never really worried about the numbers, just the handling of this forever unfinished business. Whatever you said worked because just like all of those other nights, I’m here. You leave the door open and go back to sleep as I commence to carrying out this all too familiar late night creep. It never really HAS to be late but these hours have a way holding our weight. I know that I have no business here. My flight check-in and departure times are all too near. We don’t care. It all seems worth it when you’re tapping deep below this melanin surface. You have a way of always striking gold. You do. You did. Again and again. It’s one of those guilty pleasures that you never really plan on giving up. We never really cared to explain why because we never really cared enough. Never cared enough for the opinion of others about what goes on beneath those love stained sheets and covers. This is always an indescribable high. Somehow the adrenaline rush never disappears. Sometimes I feel as though the rush cancels out all of our fears. We never really think about the backlash. There’s always something more in store. Always a reason to come back for more. Before we know it, the sun is rising. The alarm goes off. I get just a few seconds to stare at your sun-kissed skin. Just as soon as I can pull myself together, I’m hauling ass to catch a flight. Until we meet again.

Because all I've ever wanted was to be taken away by the music. Let the sounds infiltrate my mind; the beats touch my soul. The lyrics? Well, they no longer matter as we'll be making our own Luv Songs.These words will mean so much more. When I walked in, I had no idea it would go in this direction. I didn't care as long as you made me feel good. You've done this mix especially for me. Each song perfectly placed. Meticulously transitioned. You didn't do much talking, but when you did, it awakened my senses. Nothing can lead me to believe that you were talking to anyone other than me. No on else mattered.

No, I wasn't under the influence of Patron or anything else, I was just being myself.

This was a natural high. Nothing and no one could kill my vibe. And the beat goes on. I rock to the sounds of our body's songs. Put this playlist on repeat. I want to relive it over and over again.

I made my way towards the booth. It's only a matter of time before I'm face to face with the truth. I know this is your job, and I'd hate to interfere or overstep at a time like this but I have to take advantage as the opportunity seems fit.

Everything in me told me that it was me who you were checking for from across the room. When you gave THAT LOOK, I knew you meant for me to come over. The drunk in me wanted to say hello, but I made sure that I did this while sober.

Tonight, I have to shoot my shot. The worst you can say is no. I don't think that's happening tonight.

Your body and mind seemed to be telling me "Yes!". There is only ONE me and ONE you so let's make sure that we have TOO much of a good time. Don't make it a ONE-time thing. Don't be in such a hurry to leave unless I'm leaving with you.

As your set ends, the good tension grows thicker. The eye contact slowly becomes body contact. I imagined that you'd be good with your hands, but I underestimated the facts.

What a pleasant surprise?

You left me in a temporary trance. You're all packed up to leave, guiding me by hand.

What better time that now?

Valet must've known that we were on a mission because the car came out with speed. We hop in, and it continues. It seems as if the both of us will soon be on the menu.

We don't have far to go, and on a night like this, I can't complain. I can see you checking me as you check your side view mirrors before switching lanes. I play with your beard while you're gripping my thigh. We make our way to exit 2C with ease. Suddenly, I feel as though tonight will be a great night. Boy, was I was right?

As I type in the entry code, I feel you getting closer to me. These three floors seem like an eternity. Alone in the elevator with just the camera watching, we prepare for the after party.

Making our way down the hall, I know it's really about to go down. I could turn back but why wait until now?

Illuminated by the Downtown Lights, I lead you inside. Headed towards to third door on the left, we navigate through the darkness. Please, make yourself comfortable. I'll only take a minute but should you choose to go to the kitchen; you are welcomed to take anything in it.

Before I proceed to give you what you need, let me do what's best for me. Well directed and well protected, we begin to act out all of tonight's scenes. We continue to let each other know that all of THIS makes it impossible to complain as we explore these places that are no longer strange.

The connection is way more than intended. Who is this man that I've befriended?

I'm just hoping that we never end. We won't.

We've lost track of time and the morning's rays penetrate just as you did. It's hard to ignore, but we find a way to make it last longer.

These Love Faces don't fade. This isn't something of the ordinary. There's no rush to end this morning overtaken by lust. We rest. Rest peacefully. Let's take advantage one more time before you have to leave.

Here we go again. No sooner than I can walk through this wrought iron door, I find myself gripping yet another glass of your finest pour.

For some strange reason, I'm no longer enjoying this taste. At this moment I want nothing more than for you to give me some much-needed space.

I've been waiting for the day when my taste buds evolved. I guess that's the only way for this ongoing problem to be solved.

It was fun while it lasted but we need to go our separate ways, no more drunken nights together or hungover days.

There's no denying that this was some of the best and worst pain that I've ever felt, but it's time that I put you back where I found you, up on that shelf.

It's crazy how long I've been under your influence; I've been telling myself that I can't keep putting myself through all of this foolishness.

At first, you were fun and a good time. I continue to sip slow, telling myself it will all be fine.

Didn't want to rush it but I can't seem to stop. I won't be done until you take me to the top.

As my cup empties, the regret kicks in.

What am I doing? Why can't I put you down? This was supposed to be nothing more than a night on the town.

Now I'm looking for these answers in what's left of my cup. The ice and lime tell me nothing but lies, so I order two more of you and continue to turn up.

One for me and one for my innocent inner being. There's no way I can make sense of these double images that I'm seeing.

The blurred lines get stronger, and my focus gets weak. You can hear the slurring of my tongue with every word that I speak.

Dancing all crazily and talking all wild, there's no denying that I haven't felt this way in a while.

Something tells me I'll really feel it on the wake up. I hate to think about it, but we should probably break up.

See you, and I have this bond, this connection, something unexpected and not apart of the original plan. We both know It was supposed to be nothing more than a one night stand.

So as I take down the last few sips of your venomous drink, just take a few seconds for your mind to think.

Think hard, think long about what used to be. No more serenading me with the songs that you used to sing.

In one ear and out the other, my new found disdain for you is no longer hidden. No longer undercover.

The best thing for me to do is detach and separate, you no longer hold keys to the door which holds my fate.

Walked out just as I walked in, this isn't my best option. No longer a slave for you, no more picking your cotton.

Even with you being triple distilled and barreled to age, I'm over you and your deceitful ways.

No more sips. No more swallows. No more shots of your danger. Although I am upset, I can't let my heart be filled with this anger.

As I walk out of this bar in an attempt to leave, I overturn my purse and try to find my keys.

Patting down all of my pockets and retracing all of my steps, I pause to panic. I can't catch my breath.

As soon as they're located, I jump in the car. The last thing I'm thinking is the events that had taken place in the bar.

In and out of traffic, I bob and weave. Cutting lane to lane with no regards to speed.

I swerve into oncoming traffic, nearly missing a bus. Next thing you know, I stall out when my heels miss the clutch.

Cars are coming fast, these lights are starting to blind me. I pray before it's too late, that a higher power finds me.

The next thing I know, shit starts to get real. Lord oh Lord, please don't let me land in jail.

I regain control and start to drive fast, unsure of how long I can make this ride last.

Just as you'd imagine. I slowly felt myself crash.

It may be too late but it's worth it today. I Drop to my knees and begin to pray.

Lord, if you hear me, don't leave me alone. I pray that you safely get me home. I know I've fucked up and I haven't told the whole truth. No confessional today, this here sidewalk shall be my booth. I don't want to beg but you know my heart, I've walked away so please, won't you do your part. It's cold out here, and I don't want to die, Lord answer me, please. I'm begging you on the pavement where I rest on my bruised knees. I'm far from perfect, and I do much wrong, It doesn't mean I have weak morals, and I can't stand strong. More times that not, I've disgraced your name, Please, oh please let me get out of this lane. Not watching what was coming near, I had no idea that I wasn't completely in the clear. These lights are too bright; something isn't right. I never knew that would be the last thing I'd see tonight. Someone hit my car, and it slid on to me. If it wasn't enough, I was now pinned against a huge oak tree. As my life flashed before my eyes, I pleaded for the Lord to hear my cries. All of the bargains and quick deals I tried to make never made it though. The next time that we'd speak, I'd be face to face with you. I guess you've made your choice and made yourself clear; It's you and only you whom I should fear.

My body may be here, but my soul is long gone. I can't believe that I let Patron do me so wrong. As unfortunate as it may be, I'm so glad that my taste buds evolved. I'm so pleased that all of my Patron problems have finally been solved.

On this journey to the greater good, it's almost impossible to avoid all distractions and temptation. They are around for a reason. It's up to you to decide what's a good detour and that will lead you on a path of destruction. As I'm nearing my next milestone, I see this vibrant, breathtaking vine in the distance. I know this place is unfamiliar, but I feel connected. I've always had an attraction to things that I should approach with caution.

They draw me in at rapid rates. Where is the pause button? Before I can blink, I'm already halfway to it. As I inch closer, the aroma awakens my senses. I can almost feel the heat emitting from this burning bush of lust.

The various color are becoming too vivid. The petals make smiley faces at me. Why are forbidden things so damn good?

No longer having to try, my body floats over as if it knows the greatness that could come from this. How do I always end up here? Just a few more feet before we make contact.

Should we be here? Do I want this? So many questions and not enough time to answer. Everything from here on out will be split second decisions.

I start to second guess your advances but fuck it. All we have is now.

If you should leave a bad aftertaste, I'll know better next time. On the other hand, maybe you'll clean my pallet. Maybe you'll be so refreshing that I'll keep coming back for more. Maybe I'll never find something so good to my taste buds, so why pass it up?

I'll put my money on it today. I have to win this one. Give me a barrel of your sweetest bunch. They told me that I should stay away but I couldn't. I had to have it.

Look at me now.

This grin has turned into a fully blown smile. It won't fade. It isn't going to erase. I smile because I don't care how forbidden you are to them. You're mine.

Even if only for a moment, It won't change what has already transpired. So as I sit here with the last bit of you, I hope that we can replicate this feeling and moment in time.

I hope that before we decide to end this, we figure out how to make it last forever. We're both pretty clever, so I won't exclude the thought. You've somehow become my food for thought.

The things that come to mind when you're inside is just something that I can't deny. Please stay with me and let's figure out how to do this thing right.

If we should cross paths again, we know what we're getting into. I'll know what you were sent to do. I know it will be fruitful.

As forbidden as they said you would be, you are seemingly the perfect fruit for me.

Standing at the top  of an old scary escalator, I feel myself tense up. Is this thing really secure enough for us? As I walk towards the first step, it becomes easier.

The bright lights surrounding me helped me change my perspective. I would be leaving the gloomy upper level and going into the brightness below. Initially thinking that I was going down, I was now going up.

Although it wasn't physical, I was internally rising. My mood was getting lighter. The steadily illuminating path was my escape.

Sometimes we subconsciously decide on an outcome before the task is even underway. Approaching things with a different, more positive mind can change a lot.

Small pieces make up a puzzle. Life doesn't come in one big piece. There are several "tool not included" and "additional assembly required" stickers all over life.

As much as we just want the great end result, bigger pictures need to be broken down. Task by task. Situation by situation. Day by day.

Perspective is everything. Negative thoughts will 9/10 produce negative outcomes.

Positive Patty can only be around Negative Nancy for so long before she either becomes negative or kicks Nancy to the curb. We have options. Choose the one that better fits your situation and keeps you positive.

"Why you wanna fly, Blackbird? You ain't ever gonna fly."

For whatever reason, I woke up this morning and watched Beyond The Lights on Netflix. In the beginning, I didn't realize the importance of the opening song - Nina Simone's Blackbird. I continued watching, and it started to become clear. Everything had a meaning. While I sat on my bed, still wrapped in my covers, emotion took over me. I felt just like Noni. No, I've never physically sat on the ledge, but I've been there mentally. There have been days where I've seriously thought about throwing my phone into the Biscayne Bay or somewhere on the rails and walking away from everything in life. Every last thing. It seemed like every time I was close to finding myself and my peace; I'd get lost again. Every single time. Once I'd get comfortable, things would start happening again. I really couldn't figure out why this continued to happen. I know they say that life isn't fair but my goodness! Why did life want me to be stagnant? Why wasn't I allowed to make more moves? Why couldn't I follow my dreams? People who were undeserving and lazy had it so easy yet those like myself had to prove ourselves constantly. I always had to prove my strength. Life wanted to have a never ending pissing contest with me. I needed answers then, and I still need answers now. The only difference between then and now is that I live according to my rules. I do what I want. Time has never been on my side so now; I take advantage as much as possible.

"No place big enough for holding, All the tears you're gonna cry."

There was nothing that could make me happy. I worked non-stop. I had very few days off and put in nearly 300 hours every month. I'd make it a part of my after work routine to stop and get a drink. There was always wine in the fridge and a liquor store close by if something more was needed. I didn't want to go down that road. That was the last thing I needed to add into my life's issues. As often as I could, I'd go out to mingle or see friends. It wasn't getting any better. Not even a little bit. Most days felt like they'd never end. Nights couldn't come soon enough. When night did fall, it was over in 3 blinks. I couldn't escape reality by running to my dreams because my dreams were a direct reflection of my reality. The two were inseparable. Where was my happy place? I questioned every decision that I'd made in the last eight months.

"Your momma's name was Lonely, and your daddy's name was Pain. & they called you Little Sorrow cuz you'll never love again."

I'm almost certain that a lot of my issues have to do with my relationship with my parent. It's been a long, rainy, twisted road with all types of roadblocks, dead ends, tolls and washed out bridges. I can't call it the worst, but it wasn't the best either. On several occasions, we'd go weeks if not months without speaking. I've never done it out of spite, but there's a certain level of responsibility and obligation that a parent has. I was tired of being the grown up. I didn't want to be the person always reaching out as if I had sick and elderly parents. It would have been easier to understand if that was the case, but it wasn't. I'm not sure if it was ego's or pride, but that shit goes out the window when you have a young child. Maybe they were too young to grasp it. Maybe it was a cycle that wasn't looking to bend or break. Instead of me being able to "stay in a child's place," I was forced to be an adult. Having more responsibility was never a big problem for me but why was it mandatory? Why couldn't I just be a regular kid? Picking up the slack and making sure that shit got done was always on my to-do list.

"You ain't got no one to hold you. You ain't got no one to care."

My notebooks have always been my go-to person. Even when I'd talk to a human friend, I'd end up with pen and paper to finish what I started. My pages would never be annoyed with having to be a friend. My notebook would never sigh or roll its eyes. My notebook would never be tired of me. The only way I'd be talking too much was when I ran out of pages. Luckily, I'd have a fresh one on standby. The party continued. Believe it or not but sometimes the person who everyone else runs to needs somebody to run to. On occasion, that backfires. You make an honest attempt to sort your thoughts out, and the person slaps you in the face. Why on Earth (or any other planet) would you make a friend feel like they're a burden? How long ago were you the person who needed somebody? I'll never understand that. No wonder so many people keep things to themselves. Sometimes, we don't want you to say anything. Just listen. I don't want to explode and take my frustrations out on innocent people so writing (or talking) about it can save me from that situation. The day you push someone away while they're on the ledge just may be the day that they jump or better yet, slip because, in their heart and mind, they know that their body doesn't belong there. They need a hand.

"If you'd only understand, Dear. Nobody wants you anywhere."

Personally, it's easier to deal with my issues alone. The day that these pages are no more is possibly the day that life is no more. Not everyone has ill intentions, but some only wish you well enough to pull through but not to move up and on. People want you to do well but not better than them. It's damned if you do and damned if you don't because they'll talk about you at your lowest and highest points. Everybody needs somebody at some point, but I encourage you to be confident and comfortable with yourself. You'll always have your own back. Even when you fuck up, you'll still have your best interest in mind. It doesn't matter where "they" want (or don't want) you to be. Be you. Do you. Do it for you. Your reason is good enough.

I need to report an accident. I was going home and he just came out of nowhere.

I was trying to slow down but we were going too fast. I looked over towards the car then all of a sudden, we just crashed.

We were in different lanes but he merged and I followed. I intended to just stop but mistook the break for the throttle.

This was going on for miles before the accident took place. I should have turned right but I had to see his face.

I just had to meet the driver. I had to win this race.

Block after block, slowing down and speeding up. Seems like we were both looking for something but neither of us would say what.

No cars in sight, no homes on these streets. Red light, Green light, stop, go and repeat.

We did this over and over, not sure of what our destination is. I wanted to go home but somehow I ended up like this.

In a ball of twisted metal, burning rubber and broken glass, the crazy thing about it is no one was injured in this crash.

I got out to check on him as he got out to check on me. No bumps, no bruises, no trauma that could be seen.

As we stood there looking at each other in awe, we took a minute to look back but couldn't recognize either car.

Everything was a blur, I couldn't understand this mess. I tried to remain strong throughout this heart wrenching test.

Paramedics rushed the scene, we put up a good fight. We both locked eyes and wished each other a good night.

Two hearts no longer broken, cold or torn, the connection grew stronger, faster and warm.

Though accidents happen, not all are in vain. We dusted it all off and together, we rid each other of previous pain.

A new found love, a dozen blossoming roses, so glad to start this journey before the iron door closes.