Don't Fight It

There comes a time when you have to let people fight their own demons. As much as we want to help, it would only be hurting all parties involved. People never really learn that fight or flight when you’re constantly picking up the pieces before they hit the ground. This isn’t a game of jacks. You don’t have to see how many pieces you can pick up before the ball bounces. Let that shit bounce and roll down the damn street.

My problem is that I tend to be an enabler. Too much of an enabler, in fact. I’m not really sure of the right way to say no. I just keep going with it while they’re just chilling as if nothing is going on. How does that even make sense? Why should I care about your situation more than you care about it?

It doesn’t even have to be monetary (even though that’s where I fuck up). Supporting somebody emotionally can cause more damage than financially. It’s a lot harder to put a broken heart and shattered feelings back together than it is to work a little overtime. I always have this thing where I know that I’ll make the money back pretty quickly. That doesn’t mean that I don’t want it back. It means that i’m not pressed for it. I never have and probably never will be. If I have to write you off for money, I chalk it up as you needing it more than me and I let it sort itself out. If it gets to that point, Karma has way more time to dedicate to you than I do.

If you’re anything like me, you almost feel obligated to help people because they can’t/don’t cope with things as “easily” as you do. Stop. When the feeling is that strong, you tend to cross so many lines and disregard common sense. You’d do almost anything to see that person happy or in a better situation. Would it be the same if the tables turned? Would people be so willing to open up their home to you as you would for them? Would they be okay with the temporary inconvenience? Would it still be all good? You may have to turn it around and see if they play fair.

Sometimes it’s well within our means to assist but how much is too much? How much is enough? We usually have that gut feeling when it’s going too far. Actually following the feeling is the real task. You never really want to see people fall on their ass but sometimes that bruised tailbone may be exactly what they need to shape up.

Sometimes, you just need to withdraw, let folks bounce their own checks and figure their own shit out.

Don’t fight it.