Loving you is easy because I want to. 

There’s no convincing myself that it’s the right thing to do.

There’s no debating if too much love is enough for you.

I don’t cut corners.

I don’t take breaks.

I don’t short change.

It’s all or nothing. Flaws and all.

Love No Limit.

I do it because it’s necessary.

Why wouldn’t I?

Why shouldn’t I?

When there’s nobody in my corner, you pull up a chair.

When the chips are down, you come through with a refill.

You’re like a 10 ft charger when the outlet is across the room.

Who needs an umbrella in the rain when you’re by my side?

Your love is a fresh brew of the finest Colombian roast.

Your love is priority boarding on a sold out flight.

You come through.

Always have. Always will.

Unfuckwitable.

When you love you for who you are, you never have to worry about what real love feels like.

It’s either love or it isn’t.

Loving you is just that, Loving YOU.

Love Yourself.

Love, 

Chan

"Boy, my time is limited and I ain't tryna waste it all on you."
Some things just aren’t here to waste.

How can you sit there and basically lie to my face?

The funny thing is, you expect me to believe this.

Should I just turn the blind eye as if I haven’t seen shit?

How much time is enough time?

How long do I walk around as if everything is just fine?

They always want to say that “patience is a virtue.”

Why be so easy going with someone who continuously hurts you?

I’m just waiting for the day to come clean because I’ve done my dirt too.

All of those late nights out, I was seeing the one who actually pays me some attention.

When it comes to keeping me happy, you’re no runner up or even an honorable mention.

While you were out playing those stupid games and cheating, he made sure to give me the love and affection that I was needing.

I bet it’s so different when you're on the other side of the gun.

I imagine that staring down a loaded barrel isn’t the same kind of fun.

I can see the hurt and frustration in your face,

You never thought you’d see the day when someone else takes your place.

My, oh my what a day when the tables turn,

I knew it was only a matter of time before you’d begin to learn.

See, the things that you’d do, he did them five times over.

No need for celebratory drinks, we make the best of the best while sober.

They keep telling me that it takes time.

Have a little more patience, and everything will turn out just fine.

I meant it when I said that you never have to lie to me about the facts meanwhile you’re doing any and everything that you can behind my back.

What type of Fuck Boy shit is that?

One day you’ll learn to appreciate the good when it’s around.

I didn’t see anyone else extending their helping hand when you were down.

Fucking clown.

I’ll take a little bit of the blame off of you because me sticking around gave you partial permission to do the dumb shit that you’d do.

(Not) sorry to burst your bubble this time around.

Live and let live. No love lost, no love found.

If you weren’t informed as of yet, you really tried it.

Engaging in all of this wild shit and doing so little to hide it.

No worries, this is one of those situations that we learn to deal with.

So numb to the pain, it’s now hard to even feel shit.

At this point, we’ve signed off on this card so let’s go ahead and seal it.

Signed:

Sincerely yours,

One of the realest

What happens now that we’ve crossed that line?

Do we continue to pretend that everything is fine?

Do we adjust our brightness and dim it now?

Or should we simply let this boiling pot simmer down?

I’m still trying to figure out how.

It was always an idea but never supposed to be real.

There’s no reason why we should know how the other feels.

When I say “feels”, I don’t mean on an emotional tip.

I say “feels” as in those outer touches and that inner grip.

Oh shit.

I think we may have really fucked up this time.

You’re steady saying the fault is yours while I think that it’s all mine.

I judge each situation case by case but this time I’m not sure how to look you in your face.

The only reason that I say this is because I consider you a friend.

I’d hate for this to be the reason that we bring it to an end.

How did we get here?  

Now that the damage is done and we can’t take back our actions,

It’s hard to act as if these things never happened.

I feel bad, I can’t front. At the same time, we tend to do exactly what we want.

We just went for it.

A night of tossing and turning turned into an early morning of saying next to nothing.

Silence is golden at times.

We didn’t need guidance. We let the silence guide us.

Should you speak first or let me?

The phone rang.

Perfect timing to break this somewhat awkward silence.

There’s no way to undo the previous night’s happenings.

We digest it and move on.

This will be no quick mission.

It literally takes time and mental strength.

We now begin the process of going great lengths to make it all make sense.

Better yet, let’s not stress it because everything will be just fine.

We just know better next time so let’s not cross that line.

I’m just trying to figure out the difference. The difference between a real relationship and whatever the hell “this” is.

She has the heart that’s too big and a love that’s too strong. She’s always sure to do you right, yet you only seem to do wrong.

It’s gone on for far too long.

You never say it with your actions but you claim that you love her. You won’t hold up your end of the deal but won’t let her get it from another.

This was not made for drama or cheap thrills. She has a soul so electrifying with love so intense it gives you chills.

She is the real deal.

At times I can’t help but to wonder how a man can always want fresh milk yet never want to buy the whole cow.

So foul.

How about you mooove over. Take that unnecessary stress off of that beautiful woman’s shoulder.

Don’t continuously eat the fruit of her labor then act as if it’s you who’s doing her a favor.

Don’t be so selfish. You make it seem as if she’s the one who’s needy meanwhile you’re the one who’s helpless.

I hope your daughters don’t catch hell for this.

It’s best that you break the cycle. We both know that it’s only a matter of time before they meet a man who is just like you.

At that point, I hope you’re ready to explain how you treated good girls like them exactly the same.

It’s such a shame.

Why put undeserving people people through the intentional pain?

Fucking lame.

One day your good girl will get fed up and flip the table. No hug, kisses or clever words will be able to save you.

She will no longer care about that so-called survivor’s guilt. You destroyed the table that she alone had built.

I hope when the next girl comes around you start to understand how to leave that little boy shit alone and become a real man.

Just like the other times, we’re here once again, baring our souls and uncovered skin.We couldn’t help it, once again. Another case of “You say he’s just a friend”. We had to go back for thirds or whatever serving this is. We never really worried about the numbers, just the handling of this forever unfinished business. Whatever you said worked because just like all of those other nights, I’m here. You leave the door open and go back to sleep as I commence to carrying out this all too familiar late night creep. It never really HAS to be late but these hours have a way holding our weight. I know that I have no business here. My flight check-in and departure times are all too near. We don’t care. It all seems worth it when you’re tapping deep below this melanin surface. You have a way of always striking gold. You do. You did. Again and again. It’s one of those guilty pleasures that you never really plan on giving up. We never really cared to explain why because we never really cared enough. Never cared enough for the opinion of others about what goes on beneath those love stained sheets and covers. This is always an indescribable high. Somehow the adrenaline rush never disappears. Sometimes I feel as though the rush cancels out all of our fears. We never really think about the backlash. There’s always something more in store. Always a reason to come back for more. Before we know it, the sun is rising. The alarm goes off. I get just a few seconds to stare at your sun-kissed skin. Just as soon as I can pull myself together, I’m hauling ass to catch a flight. Until we meet again.

For some reason, we always connect best with the worst ones. The ones who seem like diamonds to our soul but are never really worth none.

When we met, the last thing on my mind were the fairytales and fables that usually begin at those infamous VIP tables.

You know, those connections that happen oh so easily when the drinks are flowing oh so freely.

Dance after dance, song after song, drink after drink, the connection was too strong.

We went our separate ways and took the time to think about our choices. We gave into the temptation and followed those leading voices.

Days flew by, time went fast. I think we’ve both had enough and it’s about time that we crashed.

Crash onto the bed and into the covers. Crash into the idea of being wrapped around each other.

Since the whole truth was omitted, was it really a lie? Whatever the case, we still let it slide. The vibe was there so we continued to ride.

The greatest question that I have is “why?”

Why are we even here? Since we don’t have a real commitment, why do we even care?

Care to continue. Care to devour the items on this half-assed menu.

It makes no difference and we probably won’t end this because we lean on this crutch that we’ve labeled as a new “Friendship”.

How much more of this can we take? I guess the truth was only strong enough to bend us but not let this bow break.

We never made it a big thing. Never any fighting or fussing. In reality, neither of us really cared about consequences or repercussions. 

We took it for what it was worth and only thought about our temporary needs. We continued to plant what was left of these crushed up seeds.

Knowing that these vines wouldn’t grow too long, we didn’t feel as though feeding them would be too wrong.

These late nights turn to early mornings.

What we’re sharing in present time is nothing short of beautiful but what if we’re caught? What will she do to you?

I can’t imagine the pain in her heart when she realizes I’m not just a friend. When she finds out that I’m how her time away is usually spent.

Is it my fault or yours? I suppose we both are to blame. Every time we try to blow it out, it just strengthens our flame.

Our sweet dreams turn into beautiful nightmares. I keep imagining the door open and watching her appear.

She calls your phone and there’s not one bit of hesitation in your speech. You don’t seem bothered or fazed in the least. Its almost amazing how you release so easily and look so peaceful while you sleep.

How will this change us when we both should awaken? Though innocent at first, it turned out to be a dangerous risk that we’ve taken.

Still, we go back for seconds. We clean the plate and order dessert. After this meal, we can’t order again. This friendship won’t work.

It’s only too late when it’s really too late. We can drag this this on but why continue to wait?

So remove those sheets and wash away our times together. We both have done wrong but we still have time to do better.

We can’t throw stones and attempt to hide. Although the damage has been done, we should stop right here and let her reclaim Her Side.

We had to have met before.

Of course, it started out as innocent jabs that turned into way more than what was expected.

The progression was pretty damn rapid but far from rushed. It quickly became too much yet not nearly enough.

Honestly, I appreciate that this was built on honesty.

We put it all out there. You with her and me with him. How we were unhappily happy but couldn’t bring it to an end.

Now that the hard work is done, it’s time to get down to business.

I'm certain that I have a bad case of the Young’n Blues. I thought I knew the answers but I don’t have a clue.

This meeting wasn’t by chance. It was destined to happen.

Actually, It came about oh so naturally.

You know that instant click when two people meet and it feels as if they’ve known each other for years?

That was us.

We talked life goals, love and briefly mentioned our fears. There was some type of unspoken code that we shared.

We explored the city.

The weather wasn’t the greatest but it didn’t stop the show. We aimlessly walked without a single place to go.

Looking at the clock, food and drinks will always win. It always seems to get you to loosen up and begin to let someone in.

Lunch was good. The conversation was great. The only concern was how we’d end this date. We let the next few drinks be in control of our fate.

We discussed our situations and it made no difference because this was the start of our brand new friendship. By no means were we ready to end this.

This. This. This night of mystery.

No judgement. No hesitations. No worry of destination beyond this recently booked hotel reservation.

Hand in hand, we made our way through these busy streets. Everything felt perfect, we had yet to miss a beat.

Late nights turned into early morning sessions. No more drunken thoughts as we bask in these sober transgressions.

The drinks wore off yet we still stood by our choices. No shame or wishing that we’d listened to those shoulder voices.

Who better to be with when breaking all of the rules? Stella got her groove back all thanks to you. Just promise to keep it honest and to always stay true. Damn you and this case of the Young’n Blues.

All I really wanted was a simple, quick trip. No delays, disruptions or any of that other bullshit.

I grabbed a cup of coffee and made my way to the track. Down the stairs to the platform without looking back.

This was a trip that I desperately needed. If you're looking for me, in the café is where I'll be seated.

No time to waste, not a minute to spare. The doors were closed as soon as the platform was clear.

I plugged in my headphones and connected my charger quickly. Before I noticed, we had departed ever so swiftly.

I sat back and drifted as you led the way. With every turn and shift, I felt what you wanted to say.

I don't know if these moves were meant for me but I took it as this. I loved the way that you hugged every curve and met every station stop with a kiss.

Was I wrong for even thinking as much? Was I wrong for wanting you to prolong every touch?

I knew that if you could handle these rails with such precision that I couldn't be wrong with this rash decision.

You make it look easy to run this train correctly but I'm tired of speaking to the man behind the motor indirectly.

Just as I get the feeling that our connection is beginning to fade, you open it up as you went into this straight away.

The speed is increasing and so are the feelings. I'm calm physically but mentally, I'm bouncing off of the ceilings.

I'm not sure as to how much more I can take. You must've sensed my panic and decided to dump the brakes.

"Emergency, emergency, emergency!" You called for immediate assistance. We just had to reconnect, there was no chance of resistance.

You stepped off of the motor and out to meet me. No one could understand why you had to personally greet me.

I'm so glad that we're standing face to face, hand in hand. Somehow, the universe carried out our ultimate plan.

I'm satisfied with your efforts and the things that you do, I'll keep all options in mind as I work on our part two.