It Was All A Dream

Last night, I had a dream that I was involved in a terrible crash. As we crossed the bridge, I could feel that something was wrong. It all happened in slow motion. I had always wondered what I’d do if we went under but never had I expected it. How would I get out? Would I put up a fight? We looked around with terror in our eyes. I noticed that the distance between us and the water began to decrease. There were seconds left before impact, and I was still unsure of which way to go. I began to pray to any and every higher power that I could imagine. Stumbling over my thoughts and words, I braced myself. I knew that it would hurt more than anything that I’d ever felt. Seconds later, we’d hit the water and slowly began to sink. This accident was nothing that I ever imagined in my wildest dreams. It didn’t have me scrambling. I wasn’t injured or in agony. 

As crazy as it sounds, it was almost peaceful. 

As the space filled with water, I looked around to see what I could use to get out. I reached for a hammer in the corner and began to pry the lining off of the windows. The closer that I came to breaking the barrier, the softer the tool became. After a while, it was like a ball of mush. No longer making progress, I tried using my bare hands to continue where I left off. With splinters in my hand and blood beginning to surface, I desperately clawed my way out as everyone else stood there in a frozen state. Why weren’t they helping? Were they okay with the fact that death was quickly approaching? I was so confused.

I took a second to regroup and noticed that the very people that I expected and hoped would help me were nowhere around. They had escaped with ease and with help. You could see their camps set up in the distance, as I desperately tried to free those who were stuck with me onboard. I couldn’t understand why they had abandoned us. 

Water began to fill the car, and I felt my feet begin to lift off of the ground. With limited air and my head tilted back, I began to replay the good, the bad, and ugly that life had brought me. Tears filled my eyes as deep breaths became gurgles. No longer willing to fight it, I started to relax and rest my body. 

I walked towards the light. 

Greeted by my favorite people, I embraced the changes set before me and accepted that nothing would be the same from this point on. With a clear mind and a full heart, I took another step forward. With open ears, I listened to the sweet sounds of death and new life co-mingling on one dope ass soundtrack. Everything that I’d typically run to for comfort and security had become distant memories. Everything that was once so familiar became things that I no longer associated myself with. 

This moment was uncomfortable yet relaxing. I had spent so much time doing what I thought people expected. I neglected myself and the things that I wanted. I put things that I needed in a place that I never intended to revisit. Not once did I think about what could be if I had trusted myself and my pure instincts. For so long, I had suppressed those feelings and thoughts that it was way more than uncomfortable to tap into them. It was almost forbidden. I had lost my free-spirit. I had lost the very pieces that made me. 

When I woke up, I was no longer a lost soul. I began to walk in my purpose. I embraced the things in life that I loved but deprived myself of for so long. How could a situation like this lead to such an enlightening experience and revelation? Forgiveness had flooded my soul. Resentment has left the room. 

I am Her. She is Me.