The Trip

Before I knew it, I was sitting on the balcony with tears forming in my eyes. Our conversation was saddening yet uplifting. The revelation of so many things about myself was terrifying. I was standing in front of a mirror, and it began to speak of my life. Sometimes it's easier to accept things when the person on the other end isn't directly involved, but they love you enough to tell you that you're wildin. I was Wildin.

When you have reciprocated energy, it's easier to listen. You're not thinking of possible judgment or finger-pointing. It didn't exist. We looked for solutions and how to avoid the same situations.

Past trauma is a bitch. The bigger bitch is when you leave it to heal itself.

Having this conversation was the last thing that I expected to happen. Not in a sense that it shouldn't happen, but more so that it wouldn't happen. There was so much to catch up on. We hadn't had a chance to sit down and talk in years. This trip wasn't only for turning up. It was to wind down. It allowed us to realign our chakras balance these energies. With all that was going on, we both deserved a break. Stress and drama were at an all-time high, and neither of us deserved to keep dealing with it.

This experience was new and welcomed. We had a different type of vibe. It's a different type of high when you're homie, lover, friends. Life threw us all sorts of curveballs, but here we are. It was golden. Every part of it made sense and felt right. This wasn't your typical love story.

The sun's rays shined on us throughout the trip, from start to finish. It was a blessing to be able to enjoy life together. This impromptu trip lined up perfectly. As nervous as I was, knowing that I was about to explore life with one of my best friends kept me at ease. There's a different sense of security when you know that you can stand completely naked in front of the person you're with. Flaws on front street, I became more comfortable with myself. Being forced to look at myself with the lights on was uncomfortable yet liberating.

We prefer not to face so many things about ourselves, but here I was, walking back and forth with my soul showing. I had my heart on my sleeve, and my feelings had a megaphone. I embraced this newly turned page. With my book dropping in a few weeks, I felt like this was the mental and physical cleanse that would prepare me for what was to come. The level up pulled up all gas, no brakes. Not many things take me out of my comfort zone, but this very moment made me shift in my seat. It made me step back and take a look from the outside.

Here I was, revealing my whole self in front of someone I loved since I was 12 years old. Who better to do this with? Who was more fitting to share this space? Throughout all of the years of friendship, THIS was the moment. My heartbeat was different. My smile was different. My breathing was neither labored nor rapid. It felt good to be able to relax. I was able to rest and be at ease.

It felt as if 1000 pounds had been lifted off of my shoulders. I felt so much lighter.

As weird as it sounds, this was probably the moment that I needed this year. 2020 has been a raggedy bitch, and this was an escape. It gave a new outlook. It expanded my mind. Looking at myself through his eye, I wanted to cry. How dare he expose my truth while looking me directly in my eyes? Where is the part where we just let go of all inhibitions and indulge in life's uncertainties? That sounds good and all, but that's not how we operate.

Having a friendlationship built on love and respect hit differently. I knew that all of these words came from a place of concern. I was exposing small truths that we'd never had to discuss, and it left me in a different space. I began to rise from this sunken place. I was uplifted without my consent or control. The compliments and clean-cut advice made me squirm. Not because I was uncomfortable, but because I knew I deserved it and never really had someone outright say it.

Knowing your worth is one thing, but having the conversation freely and genuinely with someone you care about is another. I think back on the trip, and I smile. I have flashbacks of the laughter, the tears, the memories, and it gets me through the rough days. It was a last-minute trip with no expectations other than enjoying ourselves. I can't say how happy I was to take it or how I couldn't have picked a better person to share it with.

This was the first of many trips. We made it one to put in the books. How do we top this without getting arrested abroad? Until the next flight.

To you, I Love You. All love. All ways. Always.