Shift In Power

Always Remember That You Run Shit. You Are The One Who Determines Which Direction Your Life Goes In. Granted, There Are Many Unforeseen Events That May Throw You Off, You Are The One Who Has To Deal With It. Deal With It. Every So Often, Life Has A Way Of Telling You That You Need To Cut The Shit. It May Have Been Subtle Or Extremely Obvious, But The Same Objective Is On The Line. Pick That Shit Up.

For Me, Procrastination And Helping Others Too Much Is Usually My Downfall. That's What Seems Always To Cause My Setbacks. If I Can Put Myself First For Once, I Know That I Can Accomplish More.

As Far As Procrastination Goes, It Follows Me. It Goes To Sleep With Me, Wakes Up With Me And Follows Me To And From Work. I'm Sure I Have Enough Distractions Without Procrastination But It Is Always Waiting For Me Like A Butler. "What Can We Not Do Today, Chan?" Thinking Back To A Little Over A Year Ago, I Was So Motivated To Carry Out My Dreams And Goals. I Was Consistent. I Was Focused. I Was In One Of Those Happy Places That You Find "By Accident." It's Been A Roller Coaster Since I Left Miami. I Can't Say That It Was Horrible, But It Had Potential To Be Way Greater.

Maybe I Left Too Soon.

I'm Undefeated With Helping Others Before Helping Myself. I Build Everyone's Dreams Besides My Own. I Support People With No End In Sight. I Overextend Myself. I Make Moves With Others In Mind. Those Last Few Sentences May Very Well Me The Most That I've Thought About Myself In A While. Not Because I Don't Think Highly Of Or Love Myself But Mainly Because I Can't Stop Helping People. I Can't Say No Before I'm Up Shit's Creek Without A Paddle.

Time And Time Again, I Drop The Ball. Time After Time, I Dunk In The Opposing Team's Basket. Not That They Are My Opponent But, I'm Constantly Winning Games For Someone Else Other Than Myself. How Much Sense Does That Make?

Slowly, That Over-Extension Is Retracting. I'm Getting A Case Of T-Rex Arms.

2014 & 2015 Were Two Of The Best And Worst Years Ever.

Just As Everything Was Coming Together, It Began To Fall Apart. Being The Caretaker That I Am, I Felt Myself Drifting. I Can't Say That I Was Blinded, But I Somehow Pulled The Wool Over My Own Eyes. I Thought That Everything Would Work Itself Out. I Didn't. I Was Wrong. Bouncing Back Stronger Than Ever Has Always Been My Thing. It Came Naturally. I Would Have Preferred Not To HAVE To Do It, But It Was Just One Of Those Things.

My Issue Has Always Been Seeing The Potential In Something Or Someone. This Time Around, It Never Prospered. It Became A Bill. A Heartache. A Headache. A Mental Strain. It Was Everything That I Didn't Need At The Time. Before It Was Too Late, I Separated From It And Regrouped. It Didn't Take Long At All. I Took A New Higher Paying Job And Dedicated Most Of My Time To Work.

Somehow, I Convinced Myself To Leave Miami. I Ran. I Sold My Stuff, Packed The Essentials And Got The Fuck Out Of Dodge. This Situation Was All Too Familiar. Some People Are Just Prone To Moving, And I Was One Of Them. I'd Been Going Through This For As Long As I Could Remember. I Traveled For Work, And For Leisure, So I Guess It All Made Sense. I Was A Wanderer.

For Almost A Year, I Worked Close To 300 Hours A Month. Without Factoring In My Tax-Free Tip Money, I Was ON. Work Filled One Void But It Wasn't Long Before My Focus Was On Another. It Was Off To Another Great Start. Distance Played Its Roll, But We Made This Thing "Work." Soon After, I Was Floating Around In The Matrix. What Was Supposed To Be A Short-Term, One Time Setback, Now Because Constant. It Was Just Too Much. I Was Spending Way Too Much And Saving Not Close To Enough. My Lifestyle Changed. Things That I Normally Wouldn't Think Twice About Doing Became Real Life Debates. Everything Outside Of The Essentials Had Come To A Screeching Halt. Being At A Point In Life Where You've Made The Most Money Ever And Having Nothing To Show For It Was Tough. It Was Something That I Never Imagined. I Had So Much Planned And Nothing Accomplished.

All Of THIS For The Sake Of Helping Others. It Wasnt My Fault And Completely My Fault At The Same Time. It Wasn't Long Before It Took A Great Toll On Me. I Was Falling Into A Depression, But I Couldn't Walk Away. Why? Becuase I Believed In The Vision And Didn't Want To See It Fail. On the one hand, I Didn't Care And On The Other I Couldn't Stop Caring.

To Make Matters Worse, The One Person Who Was Supposed To Alleviate The Stress Made It Worse. I Started To Resent Them And The Entire Situation. Every day, I Wanted It To Be The Last Day. This Wasn't What We Discussed. There Was No Denying That I Cared About And Had Grown To Love This Person But It Was Draining. It Made My Blood Boil On Most Days. The Smile That I Woke Up With Faded Quickly. I Didn't Want This Anymore. I Was In Way Too Deep.

Nothing And No One Could Save Me At This Point. The Harder I Swam, The Quicker I Sank. It Took Everything Out Of Me But I Stayed Afloat. There Was No More Making This Work. Fuck Every Last Bit Of It. It Was Another Battle That I Barely Made It Out Of Alive. Being Chin Deep In The High Tide With No One Looking For You Isn't A Good Feeling. It's Something That I Never Want To Feel Again.

I'm Unsure Of What The Future Holds But I Do Know That I Can't Make The Same Mistakes Again. Dare I Say That I'm Learning How To Be Selfish? It Feels Better Than I Thought. Sometimes You Have To Do Things For Yourself. Focusing On Your Issues And Goals Should Be Your Priority. Don't Let Anyone Tell You Otherwise Because I Can Bet All Of The Lint In My Pocket Right Now That They Will Be Thinking Of Themselves. Let Your Life And Situation Take Precedent.

There's Nothing Like Seeing Your Dreams Become A Reality. There's Nothing Like Checking Things Off Of Your To Do List. No Matter How Big Or Small An Accomplishment Is, You Did It. Honestly, You Should Never Really Have To Explain Why You Want To Be Happy. You May One Day Decide To Quit Your Job, Move Thousands Of Miles Away And Sell Oranges. Guess What - You Have Every Damn Right To Do So If It Makes YOU Happy.

Be Happy.

Everybody Wants You To Be Happy As Long As Your Decision Doesn't Interfere With Their Happiness. Go Figure.

(By The Way, The Feature Image Isn't My Own. It Was An Instagram Repost)